


walk on the wild side

by shrodingers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, EVERYONE IS GAY AF, F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Science Family, basically it's the science bros but with everyone in it, endgame? we don't know her, everyone deserves a hug, memes and vines galore!, or my shitty attempts at it, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-02-26 12:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18717154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrodingers/pseuds/shrodingers
Summary: bottleofscottch: umm, is it normal to see Clint on the rooftop of the headquarters, screaming 'All Star' by Smashmouth?legolas: shut up bitch this is the only way I feel importantmischiefman: then why is that adorable child there with you playing that horrible instrumentunderoos: it's a kazoo mr.loki! clint told me to play it because it goes well with the song! :)magicmike: my brain cells are reducing in number just reading this textor, in which the avengers get political, watch re-runs of 80's films, dance-off against the universe, (nearly) blow up the lab thirty times, eat shwarma, and move on.





	1. i always wanna die (sometimes)

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so this fic ignores the hell out of endgame because we don't want to talk about it 🙃
> 
> so here are some things to know before reading:  
> \- the avengers, guardians, asguardians, and wakandans are all good and what not  
> \- there are multiple group chats so be prepared!  
> \- minor angst, but it's mostly humor  
> \- references to make your head spin 
> 
> there's a lot more, but the fic will explain itself. let's get into it, and ily if you've made it this far :)

let's get this bread  
members:  
Tony Stark (starknaked)  
Steve Rogers (americanass)  
Thor Odinson (pointbreak)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Natasha Romanoff (ahsatan)  
Clint Barton (legolas)

wednesday, 8:00 PM

starknaked: it's Wednesday, my dudes

starknaked: ajsdjssalalallalapspdldddl

americanass: 

pointbreak:

ahsatan:

tinybutmighty:

legolas: [excusemewtf.png]

starknaked: boo, you guys are no fun :(

tinybutmighty: well, yesterday you said you liked life the way you liked your tea

tinybutmighty: you don't even like tea

pointbreak: banner is right, I found that song loki plays on repeat under the thing where you see what other people are listening to 

starknaked: that's friend activity, thor. and loki is alive? you told me he was dead for good when thanos strangled him! 

pointbreak: um,, even I don't know. I just wait a few days until he shows up tbh 

tinybutmighty: honestly, I'm not even surprised 

ahsatan: well, we shouldn't be surprised based on what we've seen so far 

americanass: but seriously tony 

americanass: we're really concerned about your wellbeing 

americanass: it's not healthy to bottle your emotions up 

starknaked: oh really? welp I was in the middle of bottling my sadness. that goes right between my bottles of happiness and my will to live :) 

americanass: tony- 

starknaked: yeah, yeah, I know. I'm fine guys 

legolas: not to ruin the mood or anything 

legolas: but is it okay to fuck a guy and then say 'no homo' afterward? 


	2. fortnights & fortnite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the guardians bet on something (and fail). the revengers track down noobmaster69. the wakandans are absolutely done with everyone else's bs.

guardians of the (samsung) galaxy  
members:  
Peter Quill (flashgordon)  
Gamora (kevinbacon)  
Drax the Destroyer (invisibleman)  
Rocket Raccoon (buildabear)  
Groot (tree)  
Nebula (imblue)  
Mantis (kicknames)

thursday, 1:35 PM

kevinbacon: quill wtf is this?

kevinbacon: and why the hell is my username kevin bacon??

buildabear: and why the hell is mine buildabear?? you want to die bitchboy????

flashgordon: what are you gonna do, headbutt me in the nipples?

invisibleman: i have very sensitive nipples

buildabear: say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole!

tree: i am groot 

kicknames: fight! fight!! 

imblue: why am i even on this chat 

flashgordon: the reason why I have summoned you is to partake in something really important 

buildabear: we're on the same ship, you idiot 

buildabear: you can tell us yourself 

flashgordon: yeah, but I love using emojis to type, it's so fun! :) 

tree: i am groot 

flashgordon: see!! even groot agrees with me! :) 

tree: i am groot 

buildabear: he's telling you to stop with that bs 

flashgordon: :( 

kevinbacon: so what's this important thing, peter? 

flashgordon: since you've asked politely, gamora 

flashgordon: we're going to place a bet

flashgordon: on whether I can fly into a black hole and escape after five seconds

invisibleman: my bet is three months 

kicknames: mine is six 

imblue: mine is never because a) this is stupid and b) you're all stupid 

flashgordon: @kevinbacon your sister is being mean again :( 

buildabear: I'm not betting, but if you don't make it out, I'm stealing your ship 

tree: i am groot 

!! 

the revengers  
members:  
Thor Odinson (pointbreak)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Valkyrie (angrygirl)  
Loki Odinson (snakeboi)

thursday, 3:30 PM 

pointbreak: brother!!! 

snakeboi: oh no no no, I did not return to life just to see your stinky ass, brother 

pointbreak: at least I tried :'( 

snakeboi: 

snakeboi: 

snakeboi: oh all right 

pointbreak: yay!!1! 

angrygirl: tbh I really missed you lackey 

angrygirl: I didn't have anyone to use for target practice 

angrygirl: but now I do :) 

pointbreak has added Korg of Krona (rockpaperscissors) and Miek (knives) to the chat 

rockpaperscissors: hello, it's me Korg, if anyone remembers 

knives: 

tinybutmighty: hi Korg! long time no see :) 

snakeboi: how come you didn't react the same way with me, Banner? 

tinybutmighty: well, Korg didn't try to take over the world and attempt genocide 

angrygirl: anajsnsnsjakak 

angrygirl: #getrekt 

snakeboi: why did I even get added to his hell site of a chat room 

pointbreak: noo come back :((( 

rockpaperscissors: um, thor, sorry to interrupt a brother thing, but noobmaster69 is bothering me again 

pointbreak: 

tinybutmighty: 

angrygirl: 

snakeboi: 

knives: 

pointbreak: banner 

tinybutmighty: yes? 

pointbreak: can you track down this user so we can all have a nice chat? 

tinybutmighty: I can try 

pointbreak: looks like the noobmaster is not going to bother you much longer, Korg 

knives: [pickachu.png] 

!! 

the better avengers  
members:  
T'Challa Udaku (furryman)  
Okoye (#bab)  
Shuri Udaku (memeprincess)

thursday, 5:10 PM 

furryman: shuri 

furryman: what did you do this time? 

memeprincess: nothing brother 

memeprincess: this is just a chat room, nothing more 

#bab: shuri what does this even mean? 

furryman: and what the hell is a furry?? 

memeprincess: what you are, brother 

#bab: what is with everyone else making dumb decisions every day? it's as though they're asking to get killed 

memeprincess: you could have just mentioned brother 

memeprincess: and the avengers 

memeprincess: and everyone else 

memeprincess: except peter 

memeprincess: he gets me 

#bab: and nat and the others 

#bab: the phrase 'Oh, man' does not apply to them 

furryman: hey! 

#bab: present company excluded 

!! 

thursday, 8:01 PM 

buildabear: I'm keeping the ship! 

tree: I am groot 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a mess I'm sorry
> 
> translations for groot's messages!  
> fight  
> I agree  
> yay


	3. bazinga!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the new avengers fuck shit up. peter and shuri meet the science bros. scott and stephen have a magic trick-off.

let's go lesbians  
members:  
James "Bucky" Barnes (wintersmoulder)  
Sam Wilson (bigbird)  
James "Rhodey" Rhodes (irongiant)  
Wanda Maximoff (witchywoman)  
Vision (exmachina)

friday, 12:43 PM

irongiant: okay, guys

irongiant: here's the plan

irongiant: bucky, you and sam act as a distraction for the avengers. wanda, you and vision go and get the things we need from Walmart, while I will act as the getaway driver. any questions?

bigbird: yeah, I do. first, why the hell am I partnered with the senior citizen here? secondly, why the fuck is my username from sesame street?¿¿ 

wintersmoulder: excuse you, sam. you shouldn't be rude to those older than you 

bigbird: yeah, and you'll die first too 

wintersmoulder: I will yeet you across the hallway if you don't stfu now :) 

exmachina: colonel rhodes, why does my username bear similarity to the film about the potential dangerous capabilities of AI? 

bigbird: well, you're an AI and the film is iconic af 

witchywoman: what are we even doing lol 

irongiant: we're gonna prank the avengers ;) 

wintersmoulder: FUCK YEAH 

bigbird: all those times when steve would say 'on your left' now it'll be my turn bitch 

exmachina: normally I don't partake in such activity for fear of getting into trouble 

exmachina: but for this one, I'm in 

irongiant: he's rebelling now, he's getting way too powerful 

witchywoman: count me in!! 

irongiant: looks like this plan is a go 😈

!! 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (starknaked)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Harley Keener (potatogunboy) 

friday, 3:25 PM 

starknaked: hey kid, I've got some new people you'd like to meet 

potatogunboy: do you mean - kids that you found at the science fair and are now under your care? 

tinybutmighty: [it'sfreerealestate.png] 

tinybutmighty: this is you 

starknaked: I came here to have a good time and I'm feeling so fucking attacked right now 

potatogunboy: I'm sorry tiny 

potatogunboy: I mean Tony 

starknaked: remind me why you're even in this group??? 

potatogunboy: because we're connected?¿ 

potatogunboy: and that I'm the only one capable of giving advice for your next invention?¿¿¿ 

tinybutmighty: he does have a point, tony 

starknaked: ugh, fine 

starknaked has added Peter Parker (underoos) and Shuri Udaku (memeprincess) to the chat

underoos: hey mr. stark!! hi, mr. banner! I love your theory on non-darwinian evolution in terms of Gamma radiation :) 

starknaked: hi kid 

tinybutmighty: 

underoos: uhh mr. banner, are you alright? 

starknaked: well, fans usually talk to him because he's the hulk, and when you talked to him as banner, he appreciated it very much 

underoos: oh okay 

underoos: love you mr. banner!! 

memeprincess: excuse me, but do you know da wei 

starknaked: uhh, no? 

memeprincess: it leads all the way to YOUR MOM 

potatogunboy: bazinga! 

starknaked: oh my god there's three of you now 

potatogunboy: you'd better believe it, old man 

underoos: omg you guys get me! I've been waiting for someone to bond over for memes 

memeprincess: I've tried sending some memes to sargeant barnes 

memeprincess: it resulted in a three-hour lecture on the change in humor over the decades 

potatogunboy: then let's fuck shit up boys and gals :))))) 

potatogunboy: with science and pop culture references 

starknaked: what have I done 

!! 

the magicians  TM   
members:  
Dr. Stephen Strange (sorcerersupreme)  
Wanda Maximoff (witchywoman)  
Loki Odinson (snakeboi)  
Wong (beyonce)  
Scott Lang (bottleofscottch)

friday, 5:36 PM 

sorcerersupreme: wait, why the hell is scott even in this chat? 

bottleofscottch: mcxcuse you binch,, my card tricks wow everyone over 

beyonce: he does have a point, stephen. I still don't know how he got the ace of spades as my card :O 

snakeboi: maybe you should FIGHT 

witchywoman: 'mAyBe YoU sHoUlD FiGhT' really, loki? that's your solution to everything? 

snakeboi: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

sorcerersupreme: loki, we don't usually don't see eye to eye with each other 

sorcerersupreme: but let's settle this once and for all 

bottleofscottch: idk what just happened bt okay 

beyonce: I am dealing with idiots 

!! 

friday, 10:56 PM 

sorcerersupreme: hah, I won!! I'm still the sorcerer supreme !!1! 

bottleofscottch: *pulls out uno reverse card* not so fast 

sorcerersupreme: gODDAMMIT 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooft sorry for the late update, I had finals :(( hope you guys liked this chapter!! 
> 
> username for bucky was taken from skate fast, eat ass by @cryptic_potato


	4. beers and botluck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the stark family face chaos. the guardians and wakandans decide what to bring to the pot roast. carol and goose try to figure out the twenty-first century.

the (standing) stark fam  
members:  
Tony Stark (starknaked)  
Pepper Potts (salt&)  
Happy Hogan (abbeyroad)  
Harley Keener (potatogunboy)  
Peter Parker (underoos)

sunday, 9:25 AM

starknaked: okay, so Harley and Peter are in this group chat so be nice. esp you happy

abbeyroad: what tf did I do??

salt&: well, when Peter was recording his daily routine, you tried to dismantle his camera

abbeyroad: in my defence, he was recording me singing in the shower

abbeyroad: the world must not see what I have done 

starknaked: well, who was the one who bought all 6 seasons of downton abbey hmm??? 

abbeyroad: 

salt&: Harley, Peter, you guys can speak up now. Happy won't be here to hurt you 

underoos: hi ms.potts! thank you for adding me to this chat!! :')

potatogunboy: yeah, thank you ms.potts! it was really nice of y'all to welcome us :) 

salt&: no problem boys, you're welcome here anytime 

abbeyroad: oh no no no 

abbeyroad: I do not work my ass off every day just to babysit a bunch of annoying teenagers

underoos: hi mr. hogan!! 

potatogunboy: 'sup grumpy

potatogunboy: so what have you been doing these days

abbeyroad: having a relaxing morning until this happened

potatogunboy: you hear that, peter?

potatogunboy: we wield such powerful chaotic energy enough to drive happy into a stroke 

starknaked: and me 

salt&: not me though

starknaked: that's because they actually LISTEN TO YOU 

underoos: and ms.pepper is nice 

underoos: unlike you 

underoos: jk jk 

starknaked: god, if this is your way of testing me I swear amajsjsksmdmdm

potatogunboy: @underoos lol good one 

!! 

guardians of the (samsung) galaxy  
members:  
Peter Quill (flashgordon)  
Gamora (kevinbacon)  
Drax the Destroyer (invisibleman)  
Rocket Raccoon (buildabear)  
Groot (tree)  
Nebula (imblue)  
Mantis (kicknames)

sunday, 1:15 PM 

flashgordon: all right guys 

flashgordon: now, as we all know, stark is having a pot roast on earth this coming friday

flashgordon: since we're supposed to bring something edible 

flashgordon: comment some ideas!! 

kevinbacon: wait, who's stark? 

flashgordon: short guy, thinks he's the smartest guy in existence, has a kid 

buildabear: and sarcastic as hell 

kevinbacon: so he's just rocket?? 

invisibleman: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 

buildabear: :/ 

buildabear: hey, why not we bring drax's monster turds and say that it's some kind of space pudding? 

invisibleman: yeah, and we feed it to stark? 

tree: i am groot 

flashgordon: we are NOT bringing that to the pot roast!! 

buildabear: too late, quill! 

imblue: this chat is a fucking nightmare 

!! 

the better avengers  
members:  
T'Challa Udaku (furryman)  
Okoye (#bab)  
Shuri Udaku (memeprincess)

sunday, 3:23 PM 

furryman: okay, as we all know, stark is having a pot roast at the avengers headquarters. so, we need to bring a dish that symbolizes the people of wakanda but can also be appreciated by the others.

#bab: we should just give them salt and call it a day 

memeprincess: what she said 

furryman: I'm serious!! 

#bab: my king, we all know that they won't be able to tolerate our spices. the best thing is to give them a bland dish, and what dish is blander than salt?

memeprincess: what about malva pudding? 

furryman: what about it, shuri? 

memeprincess: well, since a majority will bring savory dishes, we should bring something sweet. also, it's a bit similar to an english dish known as 'treacle pudding' .

furryman: shuri, you're a genius! we should get started immediately 

memeprincess: no problem brothe - wait, we're cooking this ?! 

furryman: yes. since the cooks are home with their families, we should make the dish! 

memeprincess: what have I done 

#bab: serve the king, they said. you'll only need to protect him, they said 

!! 

space gang  
members:  
Carol Danvers (ohcaptain)  
Nick Fury (fury-ous)

sunday, 7:05 PM 

ohcaptain: fury 

ohcaptain: tony mentioned something about a,, what's it called? mee-mee?? 

ohcaptain: and I don't know what it means 

fury-ous: well, I can't really help you there, carol 

fury-ous: memes have never been my forte 

fury-ous: I highly suggest you ask tony or even peter 

fury-ous: actually, just ask peter, he'll tell you everything 

ohcaptain: okay, and what is this shwarma that everyone seems to like? 

fury-ous: okay, so shwarma is a wrap consisting of meat, either beef or chicken, with some vegetables and a sauce. there's one available in new york near the old avengers tower.

ohcaptain: cool! also, what's youtube? 

fury-ous: it's a website where you upload videos of anything 

ohcaptain: goose is wondering what a litter box is 

fury-ous: well, it's a place where you send your cat to do its business 

ohcaptain: but goose is a flerken 

fury-ous: but she's disguised as a cat 

fury-ous: how is she by the way? 

ohcaptain: she's doing great! anyways, I'll let you know if I have any more questions about the twenty-first century! 

fury-ous: take care, carol :) 

ohcaptain: bye, fury :) 

!! 

monday, 1:53 AM 

underoos: I just woke up in cold sweat 

starknaked: what is it, kid? what's wrong??? 

underoos: someone pronounced meme as 

underoos: MEE-MEE 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, malva pudding is a real dish from south africa. it's a pudding made of apricot jam and is served with custard and ice-cream. it's rather small, but we'll see how t'challa & gang pull it off ;)


	5. neme(sis) and names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the avengers get ready for the potluck. the science bros face more menace from peter and the gang. the revengers meet an old enemy.

let's get this bread  
members:  
Tony Stark (starknaked)  
Steve Rogers (americanass)  
Thor Odinson (pointbreak)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Natasha Romanoff (ahsatan)  
Clint Barton (legolas)

tuesday, 11:46 AM 

americanass: alright gang

americanass: so the potluck is this friday, and I've taken the liberty to set some ground rules

starknaked: BOOOORINGGG

legolas: yeah, man, live a little 

ahsatan: steve, we'll be fine

americanass: you say that now, but wait 'til tony has rocket in a headlock

starknaked: it was ONE TIME! 

tinybutmighty: actually, that happened three times

pointbreak: that is true, I've seen it

legolas: you mean, you egged on both sides

pointbreak: I can neither confirm nor deny this information 

americanass: the point is, we need some rules to keep us in check. not all, but some 

starknaked: yeah, but when bucky gets here, the rules go out the window 

ahsatan: 👀

legolas: 👀 

tinybutmighty: 👀 

pointbreak: wait, who the hell is bucky? 

!! 

science bros  
members:  
Tony Stark (starknaked)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Harley Keener (potatogunboy)  
Peter Parker (underoos)  
Shuri Udaku (memeprincess)

tuesday, 1:15 PM

potatogunboy: good morning boys and girls 

starknaked: kid, it's 1 in the afternoon 

potatogunboy: well, it's morning somewhere 

underoos: hey mr. stark!! 

starknaked: hello to you too, kid :) 

memeprincess: hey 

starknaked: hello to you too 

underoos: mr. stark, at the barbecue, can we show you a project that shuri, harley and I have been working on? I think you might like it :)

starknaked: sure kid. what is it about? 

potatogunboy: oh you know,, 

memeprincess: usual science fair stuff,,, 

starknaked: come on guys. I'm sure you guys are much smarter than doing a science fair project. what is it really? 

memeprincess: nuclear blasters 

starknaked: WHAT THE FUCK 

starknaked: @tinybutmighty GET OVER HERE ASAP 

tinybutmighty: what, what happened? 

starknaked: PETER AND THE KIDS ARE MAKING CARBON BLASTERS, BRUCE!! NUCLEAR FRIGGIN' BLASTERS!!1! 

tinybutmighty: @potatogunboy @underoos @memeprincess can you guys explain yourselves? you're giving tony a heart attack 

potatogunboy: we just wanted to make something cool :( 

underoos: yeah, we didn't want mr.stark to get upset :(( 

memeprincess: I had the materials and brother didn't know 

starknaked: wait, t'challa doesn't know about this??? 

memeprincess: yes, please don't tell him!! I'll be grounded and I won't attend the potluck :((( 

underoos: please mr.stark, don't tell him 

potatogunboy: yeah, she's our friend 

potatogunboy: also, we were gonna introduce her to morgan later so 

starknaked: uGH FINE 

tinybutmighty: just please don't make a habit out of this, okay? 

underoos: yes, dr. banner!! 

potatogunboy: anyway, is it a bad time to tell y'all that I kind of blew up the science wing in my school?? 

starknaked: ANJJDSNOFN CODN XOAM ASD A

!! 

the revengers  
members  
Thor Odinson (pointbreak)  
Bruce Banner (tinybutmighty)  
Valkyrie (angrygirl)  
Loki Odinson (snakeboi)  
Korg of Krona (rockpaperscissors)  
Miek (knives)

tuesday, 4: 23 PM 

pointbreak: HELLO EVERYONE!!1! 

snakeboi: fucking die 

pointbreak: okay :"((((( 

snakeboi: uGH FINE, hello to you too 

pointbreak: yay!!! 

angrygirl: why are you two like this 

tinybutmighty: this is why I love being an only child 

rockpaperscissors: you guys have a rather peculiar relationship 

rockpaperscissors: first your relationship with your hammer and now your brother 

knives:*nods*

pointbreak: that's not the point 

pointbreak: apparently, the enemy that we killed the last time is still alive 

snakeboi: nO 

angrygirl: you don't mean 

pointbreak has added Hela (death) to the chat 

death: hello everyone 😈 

snakeboi: you know what, fUCK THIS GROUPCHAT 

angrygirl: yeah, I'm out 

rockpaperscissors: same here 

tinybutmighty: yeah, you can deal with your family issues on your own 

knives: 

snakeboi, angrygirl, tinybutmighty, rockpaperscissors & knives have left the chat 

death: so much for your so-called friends 

pointbreak: :((( 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOWEE I haven't posted in forever whoops

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while doing work and I regret nothing


End file.
